i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
