Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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