you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
