i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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