Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
