I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
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Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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