Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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