Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
