Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
