That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
