There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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