Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
