kristin has been a bad kristin
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
