I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
