I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
