I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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