you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
