I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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