What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I queefed so loud it echoed.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
