How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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