I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
