I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
