Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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