Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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