new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
