i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
