Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
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Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
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You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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