I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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