Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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