none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
