11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
