Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she told me i tasted like america
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
