I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
