if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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