he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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