The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
