found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
