you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
