the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize