Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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