dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
