Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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