Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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