i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
