Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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