Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
