the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
