Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Randomize
