oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
