i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
