hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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