i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
