All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
