I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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