Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
