When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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