I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
