im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
