oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
