hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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