I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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