dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
