WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
